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Looking for Rainbows ... Part II

Today is my birthday. As of 7:45 p.m. (or so) I turned the ripe old age of 27.

When I was 21 I made a list of things I wanted to achieve by the time I was 30. I don't remember all of it (it's in a book that Whitney currently has custody of), but I know there were things in there like lose weight, start a magazine, have a baby and go to Europe.

I'm 27 and have yet to do any of those things, and I still want to. But, there are other things that have gotten in the way, new goals that I have been working on and seeing some good results. I would have never thought at 21 that I was going to be ordained or so passionate about helping those in need in the community. There are things in my life I am VERY proud of, and for that I am know I am blessed. But, with those great things there are disappointments.

I debated if I was going to blog about what I have been going through lately, because it is deeply personal. But, if what I have to say will help someone else feel better then it's worth putting myself out there. One of my goals before I was 30 was/is to have a baby, and it's one that is proving to be a little more difficult than I would have hoped. Martin and I decided back in April that we were ready to start a family, but our timing doesn't seem to be working with my body's timing. It's to the point now where I have made a doctor's appointment to see if everything is "all right." I have some ideas about what is going on, and honestly I blame 10 years of birth control for the problem. But, even when you do have a scapegoat, you still can't help but be upset with yourself, and disappointed. I have several friends who are pregnant right now (and congrats to all of them), and it's really hard trying to figure out why they have seemed to get pregnant so easy, and for me it seems to be more of a challenge. It's frustrating, and I know I am not alone in this. I know there are thousands of women who are going through what I am going through, and really, it's only been four months. It may be that there simply hasn't been enough time, but it's still REALLY hard.

Martin has been amazing in all of this. He loves me, and he has been supportive in everything. Even when I spent a whole day crying this week, even when I seem like I am going crazy. I'm very lucky to have such a loving and understanding husband.

Today I turned 27, and when I walked outside from dinner I saw the widest, brightest rainbow shinning over my world. I have to remember the promise of a few months ago, that God reminded me. God is with me, there is a plan, and I'm part of it. I just have to keep looking for rainbows.

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Anonymous said…
You are amazing!! And I truly hate to see you going thru this! It breaks my heart and I have cried reading this!!!!! BUT - I know that God will bless you and Martin! He has in everything else :) (You know I am not good with words :) or comforting thoughts) but you guys will have a lil Martiny before too long :)!! I love you both!!!!

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